The Man in the Mirror: Part Three - What Is My Body Language Telling Women?

What would you call it when an Italian woman has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

We all know dating can be tough. Frustration and disappointment rather than happiness tend to be the end result. A man can think he is doing everything right and yet remain a lonely guy. It's easy to think a woman is not even giving her date a chance. Know what? Sometimes, she isn't. As a matter of fact, a woman will often disqualify a man before he even speaks a single word - even though her rejection has everything to do with his failing grasp of the art of communication.

The language of the body has been largely abandoned by the masculine gender. Actors are aware of its nuances and value. Gay men have it down. Some ethnicities express themselves with their bodies more freely then others, and players use the art instinctively. The rest of us are the stereotypical clueless males. I know I'm preaching here - again - but if a man wants dating to be a regular, enjoyable component of his day-to-day experience, he has to do some work, and some of it may be hard.

Women, on the other hand, eat this topic for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This is no surprise, since body language is the predominant form of human communication, and all men know how much women love this particular form of intercourse. Since they tend to be the experts here, understanding how the male body speaks to a woman is an integral part of dating success. When it comes to body language, clueless males are either lucky or, most likely, lonely.

I was speaking with a female friend about body language just a few days ago. She recalled a date with a man who progressively "shrank before her eyes." I'm just saying, but unless it is an over-inflated ego, shrinkage is not good. When a woman witnesses her date physically withdrawing into himself, she reads that he has no self-confidence and doesn't really know what he is doing. When a date gets to this point, it's usually called over.

Let's cover some of the basics. Just as I suggested in the first part of this series, stand in front of a mirror. Act naturally and imagine you are in front of an attractive woman. She is speaking to you. Do you appear rigid and tense? Relax. Tilting the head slightly to one side gives the impression you are listening intently. Are you maintaining eye contact without staring, leering or glaring? Good. Sleepy, half-closed eyes make you appear bored and disinterested. Wide open, bugged-out eyes make you appear at best, that you are trying too hard; at worst, that you are a cracked-out creep. Once again, stay relaxed. Breathe regularly. Don't go overboard with your expressions. How about your smile? Does it appear natural, or practiced and cheesy? If you are consumed with all the great things you want to say to impress your date, your mouth will betray you. Focus instead on being a good listener.

A man's shoulders give him width. Some of the things a woman looks for most in a man are the impressions of strength and security. Size matters, though a guy does not need to be huge or a bodybuilder to produce this effect. Don't slump your shoulders! Flare them back. Stick your chest out - a little. Don't overdo it, but don't be afraid to take up space.

The hands are an extension of the voice. They speak whether you want them to or not. Try to take note of how you use your hands over the course of a day. Are your arms often folded and the hands closed? Carry yourself like that on a date, and she will conclude you are secretive, defensive, tentative, even unwelcoming. On the other hand, demonstrative, open hands denote warmth, vitality, a welcoming spirit. Even a clueless guy can figure out which one a woman will go for the most.

Finally, even the legs say a lot about a guy. Sitting and standing convey messages about the type of person you are. If you are straight and rigid in the way you stand, women will most likely conclude you are uptight. If you sit with your legs folded, especially in more effeminate ways, women may believe you are unsure about your sexuality. Ouch! Once again, relax. Lean a little bit. Open your legs, just don't be vulgar about it.

I'm sure you still have questions (you should); I have merely covered some of the basics. There are numerous excellent books on body language. Your library card and Amazon accounts are two of your greatest tools for learning about dating. Also, don't forget another incredibly useful source: your female friends, coworkers and neighbors. Ask for advice; they will be thrilled to help.

George is the creator and primary contributor of Masterdate: The Handy Guide to Internet dating for Guys. Because when it comes to women, every guy can use a little advice now and then. http://www.masterdateadvice.com/

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