What's Up With Men, Anyway?
I was just reading a post on Facecrack that a dear friend of mine asked for some men to offer feedback on. It was concerning an article she'd seen on a website discussing the differences between men and women, and how those differences made relationships challenging. The author was basically contending (and I'm in agreement, to a large degree) that men get into trouble in relationships because they really don't know how to contribute their half/part of their emotional responsibilities towards feeding relationships.
His theory was that most men don't adequately know their emotional landscape very well (that's a fancy way of saying they live too much in their heads, and don't really connect with their feelings enough).
Now, I could probably write a book about the differences between men and women, and how that impacts things in a straight relationship. However, I've been thinking lately of what might happen if we stopped trying to figure out things in our relationships based on gender stereotypes or preconceptions (at best)? I've heard a gazillion men and women say, "I'd sure be a lot happier if I could just figure out how [fill in the gender blank] think/work!"
I'm not arguing for or against the differences that are often cited about how men and women respond differently; however, just for the hell of it, what if you weren't to look at it, or try to figure it out, from the perspective of how your partner's different because of their genital make-up?
What if you were to navigate the choppy waters that arise from looking at the differences between you and your Partner not as gender-specific but more from the perspective of how PEOPLE are? At the risk of grossly over-simplifying, while there are certainly genetic differences between men and women, I'm not so sure that the other differences are as much about equipment as they are about conditioning.
You know what? Even if I'm completely full of it, I'm going to argue the point that, if you buy the notion that we're all connected (otherwise known as the "Oneness" paradigm), then a way you can work better with your partner when you're hitting major speed bumps together is to stop trying to relate to each other through the lens of how you've been conditioned to believe the other sex "thinks." Hell, for that matter, trying to work through conflict solely on the basis of where your minds are at is also futile, for the most part... at least if you try to do it before you've started tuning in to how you're each feeling. Yes, I said "Feeling!" Try to relate to what's happening as a "Person Thing."
Women are often characterized by a lot of dudes as "overly emotional." I've heard a lot of women say, "Men think with their (ahem... ) organ(s)" or "Men don't feel the way we do." As a member of the Dude Club myself, it's disingenuous to deny there's a lot of people for whom those generalizations may be true. However, there is definitely something shifting with men. Like the title of this article says, "What's up with men, anyway?"
Well, I really believe there is a large shift happening (yes, one amongst MANY) in men's consciousness. I believe it's a shift that isn't about men mutating differently, but that men's conditioning is being challenged by men at a level I haven't seen before en masse. Men (at least the ones I know and work with in the Men's Groups that I lead) are truly beginning to see that their minds are just NOT going to get them out of much, particularly with their women and relationships. The new common ground really has to shift to being more inclusive of feeling into each other, and realizing that - male or female - the true desire of all desires, when you really cut underneath any of the bulls**t, is to feel connected... which does NOT happen in the mind, in my experience.
Here's an excerpt from an email that a man in one of my groups shared with me (and the rest of the group) after our last meeting, where a great deal of vulnerability was shared by all:
"Disruption, de-stabilization... this is really what the Wise Ones mean when they speak of death and rebirth. Humanity has been lower-mind dominated for thousands of years now. Finally, we are waking up. Sure, sure, sure... there's plenty to indicate otherwise. Need I even list the examples? Nope, let's not go there; because, as long as we choose - us men - the connection to the Universal Spirit, the Divine, we shine through.
"Now, I can hear the skeptics, the cynics... I can hear them crystal clear. Giving away their power to the proverbial "Them." Giving away power to "they." Those people, out there, way out there, who somehow make decisions about the way things will really be. You see, the thing about it is, an authentic connection between nine men and the Divine [which is what had happened at the last meeting of this Men's Circle the night before this man wrote this] is contagious. And, we are not the only ones. All over the globe people are waking up. What is new is this connection we are discovering with our Source and with each other. This connection, of course, is truly ancient, but we as a civilization, as a species, have gone through a profound disconnection with our Source. Now, we are finally returning home.
"This connection is contagious. I give evidence that we all sat together last night and spoke of presence, of love and support, of growth and ambition, and clarity and surrender as if it was a natural matter of fact... as if it was a matter of fact that we should speak of these things and share all of this. This is the shift of consciousness that many pockets of the world are undergoing, right now. And all we have to do is not deny it... not give our power away to "them" and "they." We are here, we are here now. The time is now."
Now, whether you agree with this Man's perspectives/opinions or not, you can see that he's speaking from a place of passion, depth, heart, and clarity... qualities/energies that men are often taught are "weak," or not manly, except on a sports field or in a corporate boardroom... yet, we ARE in a time - be it in terms of relationships with Partners, or other relationships in general - where transcending gender stereotypes is crucial and relying on gender conditioning is not going to cut it anymore. You're hard-wired for love and connection, and the old paradigms are clearly not working... so, are you willing to look newly at who you're really sleeping with, underneath the surface (including yourself)? You could be delightfully surprised at what you find.
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