Being Gay Is Not A Choice, But How You Live Is

Most gays and lesbians would probably say something like this: Life is hard enough, why would we add more difficulties to our lives by choosing to be gay. We were born this way.

Even though we do not have a choice whether we are gay or not, we do have choices on how we orchestrate our lives. We choose our friends, partners, children, careers, residence, religion, fashion, cars, jewelry, and all the other stuff just like the general population. However, lesbians and gays do have some additional unique choices to make such as: when we come out, if we come out, who we come out to, being selectively out, living a dual life, or living openly out.

Why is discussing choices so important? Choices are what we have in our control. The decisions made are our own. Even when we do not decide, we are actually making a decision. There are very few instances that justify being a martyr.

Many gays and lesbians hold themselves hostage in the closet. The fear of being found out and the anxiety about the possible ramifications associated with being OUTED result in a self-imposed paralysis. They made the choice to hold themselves hostage; no one else caused this. The same goes for being selectively out and living a dual life (hidden at work and out socially). Once again, assumptions, fears and anxieties influence the decisions made.

Discontent and dissatisfaction have been the driving forces for many changes and inventions! If gays and lesbians are unhappy with the way their lives are arranged, they have the power to do something about it. They do not have to remain dissatisfied and unhappy. Making decisions to live confidently out may not be easily accomplished, but the results could be very liberating.

For instance, take a realistic situation concerning friends and family. If a gay or lesbian fears rejection by friends and family for being gay, realize that if this is true, then this is an impossible condition to change. Being gay cannot be changed by guilt. What happens next?

Although we do not have the choice of selecting our family, the amount of time spent with them is our decision. For many families, it just takes time for them to get used to the fact that they have a family member who is gay. Once they realize that the same funky person that they have always known has not changed because of being gay, the awkwardness subsides.

As for friends, it hurts to be rejected by them. If they cannot love us as we are, then this prejudicial information is good to know. Just like anybody else, gays do not want to be only tolerated by friends, but rather loved and accepted. For emotional and psychological reasons, it is healthier to seek out new friends who are compatible, supportive and positively fun.

Ideally, choices are made to better our situations and lives. If you are feeling disjointed or exhausted by living a delicately balanced life, then pay attention to your internal symphony. It may be telling you to make a healthy decision about coming out to significant people. Coming Out may be not be as scary as you think.

The choices you make will either allow you to embrace being gay or to punish yourself. You are orchestrating your life by making these key decisions. Since you do not have the choice about being gay, why not make choices that enable you to live your life to its fullest potential. Stop scaring yourself and learn to live confidently gay.

Gayl Newton is a Living OUT Mentor who works with gays and lesbians on embracing who they are so they can live Confidently OUT. For more articles and coaching information, plus to receive a copy of her new ebook, "Stepping OUT" go to http://www.confidentlyout.com/.

View the original article here